Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
