Will you blow on my dice?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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