Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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