I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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