Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
