shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
