You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
