he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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