I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
