it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
