God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
