Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
