Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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