margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
