You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
