There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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