dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
