I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
