You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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