hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are we still banned from the library?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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