So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
