I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
