He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
