he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
