You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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