It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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