Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
