A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
