turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
