Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
