So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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