i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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