So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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