I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
