That's intense
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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