i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
