he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
