the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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