Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
