I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
