I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
