..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
