i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
