Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
