either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
