planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
