Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You are a genius and a whore.
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