Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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