I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
