dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
