Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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